Translated By Guillaume Cot. For Mary
My name is Luis Costa, 43 years old, single,
...come from Paris, capricorn.
I belong to the Costa dynasty, including:
my mother, Geneviève, and my 5 sisters,
...Carole,
...Marie,
...Catherine,
...Axelle,
...and Maxine, the cadet. - Leave us alone !
My 12 nieces: Inès,
...Clémence, Mélanie, Eva, Vanessa, Lou-Anne,
...Alice, Pénélope, Lucille, Aurore, Manon...
...et Simone. - This name sucks.
For the men, my 4 brothers-in-law known as "The boys"...
...and my father, Hercules (my grand-mother loved...
...the greek mythology).
- Hercules. - Yes.
So... Cacolac, who is it?
He was a great fan of Luis Mariano and a real Republican. PS: Luis Mariano was a french singer
At home, he created the G7. PS: Luis Mariano was a french singer
We made all the big decisions...
...for the family. - I drank it only once.
- Who wants more...
...Cacolac ?
Consensus of opinion.
One day, suddenly, dad died.
Since that day, everything changed.
-A motion proposed to the G7 is to forbidden to pee still...
...with a view to avoiding the drops everywhere.
Who's for ? - Yes !
The democracy...
...had been flouted.
I was 21 ans and i was crazy in love with Sandrine Bourrague.
It was my Abba period.
Or Cure...
No, Abba.
No, Cure. Anyways, we decided to live together.
- Why do they want...
...to see me ? - They want to meet you.
- "I want to be an artist."
That is to say ?
- It sounds like lazy. - Catherine !
your parents too are artists,
...Mlle Boutargue ? - Bourrague.
- Where does it come from...
...Boutargue ?
- From Marseilles, I think ! - No, from Dijon. (PS: Boutargue looks like Moutarde which usually comes from Dijon)
Bourrague, it's easy to memorize !
- Sandrine, wait !
- Thanks for defending me, move out of my way !
- You suck ! - Sandrine !
Anyways, I think that if I want...
if I want, at 21 years old to see who I want to see !
- Pipou, you weren't going to marry her.
- I know this kind of woman.
- What ? - In 15 years, it's...
...hair band, folded skirt and a yellow labrador.
- And with many children,
...Imagine Pipou !
At the grocery.
- With her belly.
- You'll never see me again.
- Pipou...
- Dare !
- It stinks pussy here !
I decided to flee to go and live adventure.
But not that night, it was kind of chilly outside.
Sandrine left me, I couldn't make her stay.
Her smell became an obsession.
But my chemistry classes allow me to find that...
...it needed 17 different smells...
...to recreate the one of my beloved.
It was surprising but Sandrine was also made of banana.
I discovered my vocation.
I became "nose".
I create perfumes.
It smells too much parquet floor.
We call it like this, a "nose".
My name is Luis Costa, 43 years old, single.
And i'm very well, very well.
- Pierre-Yves, you pay the coffee ? - Francis pay his round.
- The same, everytime.
- Everyone bow low, laborious lab assistants !
Make way...
...for Luis Costa, the man who created "Tahar" !
This is big stuff ! This is much money !
In my arms, my Luis ! In my arms, oh...
Ah...
Oh, this nose !
The cornerstone of this company.
Come and kiss this nose whom you owe everything.
Bisous on the nose ! Charlotte.
Christiane, Martine. Men too.
Powerful, slenderness, sensitiveness... without forgetting this warrior side,
...where does come from this noble name: "Tahar" !
- You want something.
Oh... it's new, this one ?
- Asshole !
- A gift from my ex-wife. - Asshole !
- It pronounces it well.
So ? - They don't want "Tahar" anymore.
- What ? The day before, they said it was marvellous.
- The wife of Neiko's director thinks that it stinks.
- It stinks ? That is to say ?
- Someting's missing.
There are 3 labs in competition, including us.
We lost 3 months cause of a bitch...
...who says it stinks. We worked 2 years,
- We can use this work for something else...
- For what? A bathroom doedorant ?
All my money for a bathroom doedorant ?
No, no, no !
Work harder on "Tahar".
Find the idea... - I'm exhausted.
I worked 12 months on it without any break.
I can't do anything more.
- 15000 euros of bonus. - It's not that.
I can't bear "Tahar" anymore.
That's it...
It's not my fault...
- Everyone goes home !
It's over, we're closed ! You're going to earn the unemployment benefit !
M. Luis Costa decided to close this company !
Get yourself out of the shit ! Damn about !
- 15000 euros, It's a good bonus.
Why don't you want it ? - Ah !
Did you spend 12 months working without any break for a perfume?
I can't smell anymore.
- Are you okay ? - Are you okay, Annick ?
-What do you order ?
- I'll have a mozzarella tomatoe...
...and some chicken.
- I'm not hungry. We'll share.
I forgot my meal tickets. - I'm inviting you.
- I'll have the same thing and a poached pear.
And some bread.
You're really pretty today.
- I'm trying some wedding haircuts.
- Ah... we didn't know.
Congratulations. - Thanks.
- This is your "cam". - Ah, yes.
Brown-haired girls.
- When was the last time you...
- It's been 1 month, exactly 2 years and 1 month.
It's hardly conceivable for Mister...
..."I chase all the girls".
- Do you have a tampon ? - I was about to ask if you had one.
- Could it be possible to change sometimes...
- For the tomatoes gratin...
We eat this every sunday... - Bernard.
- It's Gérard. - Gérard, it was the favorite course...
...of Hercules for family's meals.
It's a duty of memory.
- It was just for changing.
- We're going to say that as long as Hercules is dead, we don't change it.
Lunch is served !
- Marie, where did you put my ironed laundry ?
- I want to say:
In your ass ! It's not written...
..."skiwy" here.
- Easy. - No !
Not easy ! I'm sick of...
...taking care...
...of all your shit !
At home, the other one does nothing at all.
You're totally assisted.
- I help. - We're talking about Luis.
We are all here...
...to fix everything for Pipou.
Grocery, ironing, meals.
May he grow up a little bit ! - Call him otherwise.
- Maxine, take care of your own business.
You're too young. - She's right.
I'm not your wife, i'm your sister.
- WE are not your wifes. You're 44, it's time...
...to find a wife who'll take care of all of this.
- I'm 43 and why are you getting upset?
- When someone's 43, he can do his own laundry,
...his rent, his shits.
I mean all his life ! I'm 40 and it's as if i was the mother of everyone !
I'm dead tired !
Me, it's...
Over out, now.
I'm sick of incompetents ! - Luis is doing what he can...
- Ah... I was talking about you.
- Luis can't...
...have a wife, he's too immature.
-You know nothing, you're not even 20.
- I know more than you who are 44 !
- 43 !
- It's the same.
- Oh, stop !
- "In your ass" !
- Marie explained herself with her heart,
...but she's right.
We don't have to take care of you anymore.
It's the duty of a wife.
Of your wife.
Special...
...meeting of the G7 !
"The boys",
...clear away.
Issue of the day... - What woman ?
- Luis' wedding, who's for ?
- You bet !
- What ?
- Adopted ! There, you go.
- And did you see Gaël in London? - No.
- Is he allright? - I didn't see him !
Why should have seen him ? It's over.
- You'll may find a boyfriend here.
Stay as long as you want...
-I like to be alone.
when i see some men...
Your fridge is always empty !
- Turn the faucet off well in the bathroom.
There's a leak because the juncture is broken.
At the end of the year, it's 100 euros spent in the sink.
- A juncture costs only 3 euros.
-Hum yeah... you've grown a little bit more, no?
- Yes, of course.
In dad's view, out of the region of Bordeaux, everyone is savage people.
Imagine London ! For him, I'm a "punk junky".
- So...how's work ? - Well...
I'm looking for it, it's becoming more precise. Here.
Can you lend me 200 euros?
With this, i won't bother you anymore. -Well...
Yes, we'll talk about this later. What are you doing tomorrow ?
- I have several rendez-vous for some interviews.
- we'll talk about this the day after tomorrow then. - Ah !
- Hello... Luis ?
- Yes. - Hello.
- Jacinthe.
Like a saint.
We talked together on the internet yesterday. -It wasn't me.
- Aren't you Luis ? - Yes I am but you talked...
...with one of my sisters.
- We talked about wedding, children...
- I can imagine that but it wasn't me.
- Really ?
- But i'm not against just having sex...
...if you want.
You forgot your...
- Are you proud of you ?
- it's not going to last long.
- They were boring to death.
- I'm a first aid officer... - I met all their friends.
- I'm 33... - When i say all it's all.
- Excel, Word, office, Power Point...
- He told me: "You're pretty."
- Waouh ! - Even a pacs... PS: a pacs is a "wedding" for homosexuals
...would have pleased them. PS: a pacs is a "wedding" for homosexuals
- Axelle, numbers.
- 31 girls.
He had a drink...
...with 13, had dinner with 7 and had vomited on 1.
As a conclusion, not any serious relationship.
-The director of Neiko is coming.
- You can brush her off by yourself.
- Francis, Kirsten, my assistant.
- Nice to meet you. Pierre-Yves.
- Hello, Luis.
- Hello. - Hello.
- So, let's start...
You were happy since the beginning...
...and now it's not good enough ? - I know.
The due dates are too soon.
Publicity and packaging are ready. Ok.
Clearly ? Well... then...
We are in the hot, surrounding,
...copper and amber-colored touches, a wild and distinguished background.
This is for an easy-going man,
...who fulfill his feminity. We also have a fizzy...
...and green attack.
Something young,impish.
And i don't know...
We could try with some lavander...
-So, you're completely lost.
-Yes...
Yes !
Please forgive us.
So much money is being invested.
We're going to continue our work, hum.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye.
- Poh !
She's wonderful, the assistant.
- Ah, no...
I don't like those big things with boobies.
- "Big things with boobies" ? Ah yes.
- What are you up to ? - i'm going to associate with an antiquarian.
It will be easier for me.
There will be many round-trip to Brazil.
It's long before finalizing.
Hou ! He knocks strongly ! That's funny, he's the third...
...but it's always surprising. - Probably.
- Single parent, that's going to be more difficult.
It's normal to ask for some garanties.
- Of course, I clearly understand.
- Well...
- I'm looking for Pierre-Yves.
- This table just over there. - Thanks.
- Hello, I'm the s... - Don't tell me anything.
We chatted all night long, we talked about wedding, children.
So wedding, no, sex, yes.
- Only sex, it's okay for me.
Possibly, yes. we do this with 2, 3 friends ?
Euh... Because...
...just two having sex is a little bit boring. The best is when we are 4.
Men who are...
...snoging... It's exciting.
- Emmanuelle, my little sister.
- Luis, he's working with me.
Did you acquainted with each other ? - A little bit.
- I showed you some pictures. - Hum.
- She was really small... - Yes.
- Actually... forgive me.
- No, it's okay.
- I'm ashamed.
- I'm telling you it's okay.
- What...
- Hum...I insist, I'm really sorry.
- Stop! I should be.
- Why ?
- You looked really ridiculous.
- Well, i was actually really surprised.
- No, you were ridiculous.
- When was that ?
- Hum, nothing.
- Sandrine ?
- Yes ?
- Sandrine Bourrague.
Luis.
Luis Costa.
- Oh, Luis ! Hi. How are you ?
It's no more Bourrague, It's Philippi.
- What's up ?
- I have 4 kids. The eldest, Céline, is practising judo.
Matthias, the youngest, We're thinking about placing him...
...in a school for gifted children.
Then Mathilde and Baptiste, it's ok.
We just came back from the "Club", You know ? It's top. PS: Club is for Club Med which is a holiday resorts
They take care of the children, we don't see them.
- No !
And this is your dog ? - Yes, Ilia.
How much is it ?
57,90. - Can i ask you a question ?
- Of course. - Are you still angry with me?
- About what ?
- Well... well... you don't remember ?
- Listen, I really don't know.
Ah yes ! You splited up with me, didn't you ?
Hum... i'm correct ?
Well... do you have a bag ?
- Blonde or brown-haired ? Be more precise.
- Here, you're mute. - Do you prefer an artist ?
- Oh, oh !
- We can give them an old version of "Tahar".
And there you go !
- So ? - Annick isn't here ?
- No, depression. - What ? What depression ?
- It was okay yesterday. Finaly, her husband doesn't want anymore.
- Get married ?
- The wedding day.
No more news.
Annick had everything.
It's horrible !
She doesn't want anything.
I don't take any single girl anymore.
Only married or lesbian girls.
- What girl ? - There's no girl.
- So why do you want to tell them that ?
- I found the plan to stay in peace.
Listen, I find a girl. - What kind of girl ?
- It doesn't matter.
I brief her to please to my mom and my sisters.
They love her and we decide to get married.
- With you don't know who ?
- We prepare the wedding, the announcements, everything...
And at the town hall, she doesn't come !
She dumps me the day of the wedding.
Big depression, no one talk about wedding to me anymore.
Perfect !
Wedding in one month, the 12th everything's over.
In Vegas, it would have been already over. - What about just saying:
"I don't want to get married" ?
- And what about paying a coffee sometimes ?
- Stop introducing me girls.
I met someone.
- What ?
- Tell us !
- I waited to know if it was serious...
And it is.
- Really ? - What ?
- Yes... - Really ?
- In love ? - You know her since when ?
- Since a while.
- I ask to see.
- Will she please mom ? - Yes.
- We'll see.
- How about Petra ? - She has to be a little bit...
...more sophisticated.
- Amber. - Yes...
500 euros per hour !
- They don't put herselves out.
- Let's say 5000 euros per day,
...3 weeks, it's 105000 euros.
I wear a wig and some fishnet tockings...
...and i'll do it for you for this price.
SO...
- Or, we have Bellinda. - Oh... wait !
A wig at this price... we can negociate.
- Where do those things come from ?
- Ah... sorry.
- Emma, yes.
Hurry, i'm in the middle of... yes.
I don't have any phone number. Why calling a taxi ?
Take the subway.
There are only two conections.
Ok, see you.
- So...Is your sister working ?
- Don't talk me about that, she sweats blood...
Ah well no... Oh no, no, no.
- You consider me...
...as a slut ?
- I pay you to be my wife, nothing to do with what you say.
- Indeed !
- You have to take this as a game, being paid.
- You watched too much...
..."The Bachelor". - It's silly but...
...I love "The Bachelor". - Hire a friend.
- "My wife" is supposed to disappear before the wedding.
I'm not going to hire a friend.
There's nothing funny...
...frankly... I missed...
...a joke ?
- Sorry but it's discouncerting.
- If you're not interested in...
- No, no ! So, well...
- Ok, 8 weeks. - Hum.
- 100 euros per hour by 24... - Where does this price list come from ?
- Euh, i leave you together, I'm aside.
- So 2400 by 7 days by 8 weeks...
- Woh, what are you doing ?
- I'm counting the hours.
- We aren't going to count the hours,
...the minutes...
We settle a forfeiture.
- I'm not available 24/7!
- We have to agree on an amount of hours...
..per day, for 8 weeks.
- Pfff... 2 months...
- Well, a regular day of 8h of working...
...with a lunch break...
15000 euros per week.
- Pfff !
- What ?
For 10 rendez-vous...
...with my family and 4 smiles ?
1000 euros, It's already too much.
- To live in peace until the end of your life ?
It's nothing!
So 3000 per week. 3000 by...
...8 weeks équals 24000.
Let's say, 20000, I sell off !
- We aren't going to agree.
- It's kind of complicated for a husband-to-be and his bride.
- Ok !
This...
...is my last price.
- Over my dead body.
- Yes !
- Can i talk to you ? - Asshole !
- The bitch denounced me.
- What ? - My ex-wife...
...she denouced me at the fisc, I have a fiscal control. PS: the fisc is the nickname of the french fiscal administration)
She's such a bitch... She's such a bich, fuck ! PS: the fisc is the nickname of the french fiscal administration)
- Bitch...
- Such a bitch ! - Euh...
It's not the best moment but...
I'll need...
...an advance on the bonus. - How much ?
- Actually, i'll need the bonus, 15000.
- Don't ever get married !
Wait.
Barbara, it's Francis.
I thought we were adults,
...that we still had some respect to each other.
I just realize that you really are...
...such a fat bitch !
- I'll do my very best on "Tahar"...
- Why me ?
There are 4 milliards of girls, i take the worst fat bitch !
-Everything will be fixed soon.
Thanks.
- The idea is to meet regularly.
- But only two nights out on the town per week.
- We aren't going to write everything down. - What we can say,
...we can write it down, 2 nights out on the town.
- In places that my sisters use to go in.
- Of course.
- Not any kisses with the tongue, - Not any smooches.
- No nicknames like "bichette", "mamour"...
- It won't have come naturally.
- Avoid "Luigi" and "Loulou" too.
- Where does it come from your firstname "Luis" ?
- Bah, it doesn't matter. - No, it does matter.
I inevitably asked you. - My father...
...loved Luis Mariano. - Ah yes.
"Si tu vas à Rio"
- This is Dario Moreno.
- Maybe.
- It IS Dario Moreno.
- Anyways, what does your perfect wife ?
- She isn't tattooed, you'll have to hide this.
Otherwise...
...coiffed, nails done, délicate, feminine.
The minimum for a wife.
- Can i read or no ?
- Don't start...
...with feminism,
...the woman condition...
- It's ok...
I was trying to relax both of us.
- I'm very relaxed already.
I'm telling you what is...
...unacceptable for my family. - I'm not dumb !
- Yes but...
If there isn't any result, I owe you nothing.
- No, 40% guaranteed, result or no.
- 15 ? - No, 40 !
- I'm rented, not amicably lended.
- Here.
- Read and approved.
- Ah... it has started ! Until tonight, 9pm.
- What are you going to wear tonight ?
- I think i'll go naked.
- In music, what is the band you like ?
"Garage in the machine" ?
- "Rage against the machine". - Ah yes.
And me, what is it ? - The Beatles, it's easy.
The morning, it's a dark coffee because of your cholesterol.
- Very glamour !
- You hate hamsters.
- No, it's just that i'm uncomfortable with them. - Yeah.
- Your favorite smell ?
- Some paper smells. - Wrong answer !
You should have said: "Yours, my love."
- I'm here.
- What is, Catherine ?
Ah yes, strictness. And Axelle,
...the clothes store. - This is Carole !
Smile, keep silence and let me speak.
- Are you nervous ?
- What is that ? - It's middle-age with you.
- Ah ! - Hello !
- Hi. - Hi.
- Come inside, come inside. - Wait a minute !
Everyone made free, that's great.
- I'm going to introduce you to everyone. - Well, Luis.
- No, she'll memorize only two names !
- It's ok... You are Catherine.
- Yes.
- And... Maxine.
- Yes. Luis talked about so much,
...that i have the feeling to know you.
Axelle ? She's very... she likes...
- Ok, let's go to the living room.
You can sit here. Emmanuelle, some wine ?
- I'd like some. Not too much...
- Oh !
- She keeps straight, not like the other flaccid girl...
Nice smile, white teeth, recent tartar removal.
- Cheers ! - What is your job ?
- At the present time...
- Pipou, let her talk. - Don't let yourself be easy !
- I restore ancient furniture. - Great !
I'm teacher of EMT, with my 4e 7 class, PS: 4e is a middle school level
...we're working on wood. PS: 4e is a middle school level
- Oh the anecdote, thanks ! - Forgive him.
- Job very interesting.
- A little bit young but she's a cute lady.
- Mouais, it's ok.
- Raw silk, she has taste.
- Of course, - Luis didn't tell us anything.
- How did you meet ?
- I'm Pierre-Yves' sister.
- "The best melons are not all from Cavaillon". PS: french proverb. Cavaillon is famous for its melons.
- WHat is this expression ? - It says that...
No need to... - Yes, the best...
...are from Cavaillon,
...like our parents. - Actually,
...my dead husband...
...was the best friend of my brother.
Love at first sight.
- Like us, hein, Pipou ?
- I like Pierre-Yves.
- He's a claw.
- What is it, a claw ?
- So, a claw...
- He's a little bit skinflint. - Ah !
- No, actually, he's generous.
- He's providing housing for me.
- You aren't living together ?
- Soon, i hope. - Yes.
- Will he tolerate...
...to be invaded ?
You'll know it...
...in the next... - Everything's fine.
- Your parents,
...what are they thinking about it ?
- They don't know it.
I see them... very rarely.
- No, really... - Ah !
- No ? You aren't family.
- It's the contrary...
And when i see you all so united...
- It's a "Château Latour" ?
- Mom ?
- Château Latour, 1991.
- Bravo !
- Come on !
- My love !
- We have to hurry because...
- Oh, cancel and stay with us.
- I can't,I promised Pierre-Yves.
- Come on. I hope i'll see you soon.
- You are going to be late.
- Let them !
- Bye, my love.
- It's 9:05, There is 1 h more.
- What ? - An hour which has begun is due.
- It runs in the family. - No, it's contractual.
- Tchao, Pipou.
- Bravo ! - It was high time !
- Very cute ! - Do you like her ?
- 700 with the added hour. Thanks.
- Next time, i'll use a time switch.
- Where they happy ? - It's ok, so far.
Don't weaken.
Oh, such a stroke of luck for the wine !
- It wasn't a stroke of luck. - Ah ?
- Oh yes, your parents' vineyard...
But nonetheless.
- Well...
- Do you want to have a drink, out of contract ?
- Don't confuse everything.
- No, to talk.
- About your family ? Your kids stories ?
I'm out of it. - I'm not a kid anymore.
I'm 43. - You don't seem.
- Do i look older ? - No.
Younger, very younger. - Everyone has is own problems.
- Ok, i'm leaving.
If we are being spyed...
It is...
- Yes ?
- What do you think about it, Kirsten ?
Powerful at first smell, but doesn't last long.
- We are in the right way, but it's not strong enough.
- Voilà ! It doesn't last long.
You need to work a little bit more.
Find more persistent.
- We can refine the juice. - Develop it.
- Cat's pee, it's persistent.
- I'll have a question. - Yes ?
- Why...
...you don't like me ? - I don't like you ?
- "Doesn't stay long", "Not powerful enough"...
A little bit rough, isn't it ? - Come closer.
Come closer.
"Promesse".
Yes. And it's from ?
Well... from me.
So... you see i like you.
- The last check-up is still missing.
- Ah... everything's fine. I'll bring it to you soon.
- Ok.
- I wanted to ask you...
I hear many different views.
For his arrival at home...
If he's used to some food...
- A brazilian child,
...you don't have to force him to listen to Filberto Fil.
Just kidding.
There can be an adaptation time.
But i'm sure that, at the right time,
...you'll find the right words.
- Yes, but i'd like to know the most i can...
- We aren't at this level yet.
Bring me your pay slip first.
- We are still negociating the contract, but it will be settled soon.
- Ok.
- Terminale L, What is that ? - Literary. PS: Terminale is the last class in high school.
- Do you like coriander ? - Yes.
- You, at least, you're cool.
- Come see mamie Geneviève,
...go to play. Calm down.
- Wait... this is a Dirk Schönberger !
- Yes.
- So, you don't wear it this way at all.
- Luis thinks it's crude.
- Help ! Hé, Pipou !
Since when you know fashion ?
Don't let you be easy. - The vinaigrette ! PS: vinaigrette is a french dressing.
- The wedding gets closer, calm down !
- Your mom calls me endlessly.
I want more.
- A forfeiture is a forfeiture !
Si la prestation change, le forfait aussi.
It's harassment, I want 20% more.
- It's a robbery !
- We can argue...
- Fifteen. - Zero.
- Ok. - Here is the wine.
- 10%, is my last price.
- That's a deal. - SO,
...the lovers, taste this. - Thank you.
- Wonderful, very good. - Is it expansive ?
- It's reasonable.
- But it's ok...
We take it.
- We can look for something younger.
- But no, Emma. We take it.
- How many guests planed ?
- Around 50. - For Emma's side.
Because for us, 250, 300...
Let's say,
...350 maximum.
- SO 200 bottles. - No !
- 400 with the champagne. And a good one !
- We have thought of something a little bit intimate.
- With this wine, you'll need something garnished with truffles .
- It's not the season... - That's not a big deal !
- I love truffles, good idea !
- No need to ruin ourselves.
- I've been witing this for 15 years, so it doesn't matter.
At worst, i'll sell the apartment i was keeping for you.
- They are ruined themselves, Do you realize that ?
And you're preparing this with my sister !
- By the way, you'll be my best man.
- I appriciate this, really.
- It's a fake wedding. - Yes.
- "Marché Saint-Honoré" ? Ok, i'm coming.
Yes, Geneviève.
- Where are you going ? Trying the wedding dress.
- No need one, we don't care !
That's a fake wedding ! - Yes.
Your mother and your sister are waiting for me...
...at "Victoria". - It's so much expansive !
- I know.
- It's so touching. - Don't move or i'll hit you.
- Hou hou !
- Who is this ?
- The woman...
...of the adoption agency. - What ?
- We are going to adopt a dog. - Ah.
- How are you ? - I'm fine.
- Such a surprise !
- I'm looking for some sugar-coated pills. - Here is the best caterer.
Ask André from me. - Thanks.
- Mme Lebrun. - Geneviève Costa.
- The future...
...mother-in-law.
And here is Marie,
...Maxine, Carole, Axelle, Catherine.
- The future sisters-in-law.
- Are you going to get married ? It's very good for...
...your file. - Is a file necessary ?
- Well... yes, nonetheless.
- When i was young, we could easily find people who wanted to...
...get rid of some. - It depends on the race.
- Yes, it's important, the race. - No, we don't care.
- Yes, a bastard, it's good. They are...
...smart.
- Well let's go. - Goodbye.
- Goddbye.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye.
- Luis Costa ?
- It's me.
- You receive...
...your mail here ? - That's surprising !
- Yes, it's true.
- No ! But why...
Why me ?
- Luis, what's going on ?
- It's Emma.
She's not coming.
"This wedding is...
"...a bad idea.
Emma."
- It's a joke.
- No ! - And she was right !
- What ?
- You're miserable.
- What did I do ?
- Well look !
- Look.
- When did you take this ?
- No ! - What no ?
- Loser ! I thought it would be ok.
I wanted to make you an album.
Disgusting !
Don't deny ! - A colleague ?
- Yes.
- Mom, are you all right ? Mom !
- What are they doing ?
- Calm down, It's going to be fine.
- So ? - The shock has been hard.
Her state is serious, but stable.
We'll do what's necessary.
You can visit her.
Sorry for the wedding.
- I'm going. - Come on.
- Emma... Emma !
Emma !
- Mom is going to die because of you.
- So you do how you want,
...but you bring Emmanuelle back.
- Come on!
- what do the doctors say ? - They don't know.
- It's horrible.
I'm sorry.
I like her very much. - She asks for you.
- Isn't she in the coma ? - She keeps saying your name.
- Shit...
- What will i tell her ?
- That we are together again. I have a plan.
- We must stop, we caused enough damages.
- Just for more few days.
- I've written a second contract on the basis of the first one.
- But your mother is in the coma !
- Don't worry, it's psychosomatic.
What are you affraid of, hein ?
We aren't going to get married. I like girls with boobs.
- Me, men with guts. PS: In french "couilles" means balls (by opposition to boobs)
I've fulfilled my contract, i'm disappearing. see you. PS: In french "couilles" means balls (by opposition to boobs)
- Ah, fuck... Such a crap city !
I prefered the others. Well, anyways.
- I learned for your wedding.
It isn't very reassuring for your file.
- But...
- Actually, what is your situation ? - My situation ?
- Are you married ? single ? It's confused.
- No, but...
The wedding isn't canceled, it's postponed.
My mother-in-law had a heart attack... a malaise.
As soon as she's better, we are going to get married.
- Hum... it doesn't look simple. Where are you living ?
- In the 11e. - No... PS: 11e is for the 11e urban district of Paris.
I meant, with your husband ? Will he adopt the child ? PS: 11e is for the 11e urban district of Paris.
- Of course ! We are preparing his room.
- "Of course" ! Nothing is obvious for me.
- For the time being...
Aïe ! - What ?
- The baby is giving some kicks.
Your file will be in stand-by, it's not clear.
Sorry.
- How are you ?
- I'm better. Why are you here ?
- I was worried.
SO, are we talking about the contract ?
- I rented you, and it was expansive, so that...
...you were going to be the perfect wife.
The thing is that it worked because everyone thinks you're...
...perfect. - I think it's obvious.
- But they want to kill me because i let you go.
- Yes, so ?
- So, new plan, a very smart plan...
You come back with me, but you've changed.
You are execrable, a freak, an horror.
They beg me to split up with you.
Ok ?
Nobody tells me about wedding anymore.
- You are cockeyed.
I'll live with you. - What ?
Why ?
- They will imagine you stuck with a witch.
It will thus mean more pressure.
- Ok, but we'll deduct a part of the rent.
- I'll have my room.
- But no meals.
- No problems. - Are you ready ?
- Mom.
Look who is there.
- Emma ! - Hello.
- This is the duplicate of the caretaker's keys.
- Not bad...
...here.
- In the bathroom, you have...
...to turn off the faucet well. There's a leak,
- It's 100 euros. - No, it leaves some traces,
...I don't like that.
- How many rooms are there ? - One.
and a sofa.
- Try to not make a mess.
- Is it the first time that someone settle here ?
- Yes and it will be the last.
- A visit ? - Hum.
- My office. - I like it.
It could be another room. - Yes, but no.
- Shit, Axelle with my laundry.
- I'm really bad parked.
Emma ! How are you ? - Good.
- That's a pleasure to hear that.
- Do you want a coffee ? - No thanks, i'm late.
- "a coffee" ? And what about some coins in the parking meter ?
- 2 secondes !
See you the lovers.
- I'm going to poop.
- Oh, well... see you !
- "I'm going to poop."
That's all you found ? - Give me some time, I'm warming up.
- You have to think like they think, ok ?
I'm sensitive to smells, so...
...the cigarette...
You have to be...
...in their mind.
To repel someone... Excuse me.
My working tools.
Stay focus.
To repel someone,
...you have to know his taste. - No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Of course yes.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Anyways...
The idea is to...
...systematically, one after another,
...hurt the sensible point.
First, Carole.
No, everything's ugly.
- A day without ! - No, everything's really ugly.
Oups !
- Oh !
- Sorry. Well...
I'm leaving.
I'm gonna have my hair removed from my pussy.
- What ? She's crazy, She's insane.
I'm calling her right away.
- No, be nice with her. - Bring her some flowers.
- What ? - And beautiful ones.
- She came back for mom. Not for you - She's hurt.
- I'm the one who's hurt.
- For you, it's chronical. - The story with Kristen...
- It's here, here ! It's "Kirsten" !
- There's nothing between us.
- And the pictures ? - And what ?
- We can see a kiss... - We can see you ridiculous like a male pigeon...
...in front of his female pigeon.
She felt betrayed.
- What did i do to deserve this ?
Your selfishness almost killed mom.
- You will soon...
...be considered as an old handsome guy.
- We found you a great girl.
- I found her. - Oh, don't start with it.
- And then, well... - pouf pouf, ok.
You're right, i screwed up.
From now on, I'll be careful.
- What from now on ?
- With the next girl i meet.
- You're dumb ! - You aren't going to leave...
...Emma ! - Apologize.
- Get along !
- We see you for Marie's birthday.
You'll apologize in front of everyone.
- Emma !
It's a total failure.
My sisters think you wanted to piss me off.
- We are forgiving you,
...you are awesome.
- That's nice.
- Yeah, great.
- What do i do ?
- WHat are those smells ?
- Emma, come !
- What is that ?
- I'm restoring an ancient piece of furniture.
- Here ?
- Yes, it doesn't bother.
- What ? It's here that it...
...bothers the most !
- It's where i'm working ! - I'm working too.
I restore ancient furniture.
- In my office.
Do you know what kind of pollution your chemical products represent?
- It's killing my nose.
- Oh, calm down, you're so squeamish !
- We have a contract
- It doesn't say anything...
...on my job.
I'm playing my role, I restore ancient...
...furniture !
Sorry to be credible !
- I can't work...
...in olfactory hostile surroundings.
- Have you ever seen the baby ?
- Only in video, but I'm going to see him soon.
- The first meeting must be... - Hum.
- What's his name ? - Sandro.
- Where is he in Brazil ?
- Excuse me.
- Go ahead.
- Yes ? - It's Luis.
I wanted to apologize for yesterday.
I was an idiot. Would you accept...
...my invitation to a restaurant, with me tonight ?
A very nice restaurant.
The head-cook will cook something just for you.
- A one-to-one ?
- Well.
- The violet,
...doesn't want to be smelled.
- Really ? - Her particularity...
...is to block the smell's receptor les récepteurs de l'odorat.
When you smell it, you can't smell it again suddenly.
You'll have to wait to be able to smell it again.
- That's weird. - Yes, it's violet.
- The sensation of a souvenir... intangible.
- I love...
...this part.
- What is this movie ? - "Muthu",
...a culte indian movie.
- "Muthu" ?
- "A table", it's ready.
It's better hot.
- Is this scallop-shell ?
- Yes. Do you like truffles ? PS: He said "tu"
- Are we on familiar terms ?
- Yeah.
You take a small piece of each thing.
You create your own mix of flavours.
Excuse me...
Allô ?
Now ?
Ok, understood.
I have to work.
- At this time ?
I'm not going to eat alone !
- Francis needs a hand.
- Here...
- Ok well...
- See you later.
- Such a shame. - Yes.
- You'll tell me...
...the end. - They all die.
- Do it, the complete thing Like this.
- No, slowly. - Ok, push !
- No, boys, the sofa at the entrance !
- He starts to piss me off, Francis.
To empty his whole flat before the control,
...it's precipitous. - Yes.
- When was made this thing ?
- This, is...
when we used to make heavy stuff. - Emma would know.
- Put down, put down !
- How is it going ? - Great.
- She doesn't talk you too much about Gaël ? - Who's that ?
- He's her ex from Bali. She didn't tell you about him ?
- She doesn't talk about the beach attendant. - No !
- Gaël, he's an internet millionaire.
40 years old, cultured.
I really liked him.
She did less, because "ex".
Did it last long ? - 5 years.
- They were supposed to get married, She loved him.
- She didn't tell you about him ? - No !
You aren't going to ask 50 times.
Hé !
I'm carrying Gulliver's toothpick alone !
- It's ok.
- And so ? - She was crazy in love with him.
And she let without warning him.
She was fed up with waiting him to conceive a baby with her.
- Yes, Didn't he want one ? - I don't think so.
- However, she only thinks about it.
That's why she's adopting.
- She's adopting ? - Yes, she is.
- How are you ?
- Ah ! Hello.
- Pretty, your child bed. PS: he said "votre"
- Do we adress as "vous" today ?
- No, well... How is it going ?
- Fine, I'm going to paint it.
- Boy or girl ?
- A boy, the child of a friend.
- Of a friend. Hum.
- I'll lend you this book.
- When you tell it, it's boring.
- We say: "J'ai la dent molle." PS: The real French expression is "avoir la dent dure"
- We never say it. In which...
- We also say: "J'ai la main dure." PS: The real french expression is "avoir la main molle"
- Axelle isn't ignoring you, you know.
- Everything's fine actually.
- I think you're really pretty.
- Really ?
Well, thanks.
That's a dress I bought...
- Happy Birthday.
- Geneviève, let's talk about heritage.
You're not immortal.
- Tss, tss.
- Well, Emma !
- You can't say this !
- Carole ! Mrs Tolerance...
...usually.
No, - Emma is right.
No tabou amoung the family.
Well !
By the way !
The Costa diamond will go to Luis' wife.
- Honey, i'll give you the aquamarine of my mom.
- Ah...yes... I'm dreaming.
It's not against you,
...Emmanuelle,
...but i love this diamond. - Oh là là !
My daughters are crazy. - Such a nice...
...ambiance ! - It's enough.
- What ? - What's going on ?
- She's ill-bred. - Hé !
- Sorry... - Ben, Luis !
- Come, we're leaving. - what ?
- She wants to stay.
- If you poop on the table, they would say: "Oh, she's eaten well."
- I would have loved doing this at my parents'.
They are annoying like hell.
It's a failure, hein !
No ? - Yes, it's a failure.
But not that much... With my sisters, it's going pretty well.
- But with your mother, no. - Yes, my mom...
- You can't wait to see Luis.
- Yihou !
- Luis, Emma !
It's mummy !
- Aïe, aïe !
- Yiha, yihou !
Harder !
Yiha !
It's good, you have to add spice to yoru relationship.
Here, me,
...I don't look like...
Well,
...with Hercules...
- Mom,
...it's ok.
- With Hercules, what we loved, is...
- No, it's enough !
- Oh come on !
Once... the children...
...weren't far...
- I'm not listening, la la... - Ok !
Oh là là, He's narrow-minded !
- Well i think you have better things to do than listen to me...
Goodbye ! - Goodbye.
- Have fun !
- Ah ! You hurt me with the celery.
- I'm fed up with this, now. - Fed up with what ?
- Fed up with acting.
PLaying the bitch, It costs me. PS: She's meaning that it's hard for her but in french she uses "cost"
- And me ! PS: She's meaning that it's hard for her but in french she uses "cost"
- It sounds like Pierre-Yves.
- 15000 euros. - Yes,
...precisely !
- 15000 euros !You really are pathetic !
You spend...
...a fortune, just to not brave your family !
- And you, instead of conceiving a baby,
...you go and buy one.
I'm sorry, i didn't mean to...
- It's mean. - Yes, it's mean.
- No, but... please forgive me.
- Well, it's ok.
Go wear underwears.
- Ouah ! Are we going out ? You should have told me.
- I'm going out. I'm having dinner with Gaël, my ex.
He's in Paris. - Ah, Gaël..."The" Gaël.
And where does he stay ?
To the Ritz ? The Plaza ? The Costes ?
Does he own rooms at the Meurice.
- You're jealous !
- Not at all. "Help me", no connections.
- I'm going to get prepared.
If he rings, open.
- Of course.
I'll take his coat.
and i'll offer him a cocktail.
to Gaël !
Gaël !
- Goodnight, I'm coming for...
- Emmanuelle ? She's coming.
Come in.
She's getting prepared.
I'm not the majordomo.
I have nor champagne, or Martini-Fin.
- Gaël. You are Luis ? - Yes.
- Emma told me she lived in your flat. - Yes.
- We aren't all living in palaces. - We are better at friends'.
- I'm sleeping at some friends' in the 9e. PS: 9e urban district of Paris.
- Oh really ? I thought that...
- You were wrong.
- Hi.
- So, are we going ? - Yes.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye.
- "Muthu".
- Ah, it's you ?
- I fell asleep.
- Me too, in the taxi.
- Goodnight. - Goodnight.
- We finish the contract tomorrow ? - Yes.
- The book i told you about.
- Ah yes ! - It's no more edited. I lend it to you.
- Thanks.
- There is more gratin left. Come on !
Who wants some more ?
- Please. - Ah ?
- Yes ? - Emma wants to say something.
- Are you pregnant ?
- An alien in the belly, boobs that breaks,
...pucke, non !
We're adopting.
- Awesome !
- That's wonderful.
- You're father would be proud of you. Thanks !
- Where does the child come from ?
- From Brasil. - A girl or a boy ?
- A boy. - Yes !
- An his firstname ? - Jean-Claude !
- Raoul, that's pretty, Raoul !
- Gérard !
- Very funny. - No, Fernand !
- Oh yes, Fernand ! My little Fernand !
- There isn't worse than Fernand !
- There isn't worse.
- Yes, there is Adolf.
- Or Hercules !
Hercules Costa !
Hercules ! "la loose"...
Hercules...
2 who take him, 3 who fuck him ! PS: "Hercule" and "encule" (fuck) finish by the same sound
- I know.
Mom, i know. I told her.
You can't condemn someone at his first mistake.
Mom ! Wait !
I have 2 pieces of news.
One good and one good.
The good one first ?
They don't want to see you anymore.
Wedding is no more planned.
Yes !
Yes ! Yes !
Here.
To our success.
- Thanks.
- To our liberty.
- The bubbles are really thin.
- Oh, shit ! - Ah no, come on.
- It doesn't bother me, actually. - What ?
- You're lousy !
- But you !
- Wait, what's the plan ?
- What ?
- You kiss me and then what ?
- I don't know, we...
- "we" nothing, wait !
Your family hates me, and you want to kiss me.
What is your plan ?
- I have no plan.
- What are you goint to tell them ?
"She was drugged during three days, now she's feeling better" ?
"It was a TV candid camera. Funny, isn't it ?"
- No, no.
- I'm going to say...
I'm going to say... - Say what ?
- "Here is Emma, I'm with her."
- I'm going to say...
- It's her or us, Luis.
- Why, her or us ?
- You heard me well.
- Why should i chose ?
"why ?"
The voices gets louder.
- It should have been tensed. - The hysteria !
- So ? - It's useless to talk to them now.
I thought that we could secretly meet for 2 or 3 months.
Like this, we could live in peace and secretly.
Furthemore, it's a little bit exciting, isn't it ?
What ?
- I want my 15000.
- Bah...
What do you mean ?
- Luis !
Taxi !
- Waouh ! - Yes, hein ? Waouh.
- It's wonderful. Subtle, light, strong...
- If the president's wife likes...
- She loves. - How did you do ?
- There are animal and feminime touches.
And this background ? An oil...
...heady but volatile. What is it ?
- Some turpentine.
No, I'm just kidding.
- We aren't revealing all our secrets.
- Ladies, gentlemen ! I made a decision.
I'm going to get all this repainted in mauve !
Well eat, otherwise we throw in the garbage !
This profusion of buffets !
It costs really much !
While with this money...
- In this job, we spend too much.
- Ah, thanks !
- When i say this, they say i'm skinflint.
- No, it's only some anti-consumerism.
- Some anti-consumerism.
- Ah but, of course. It's exactly this.
- Have a drink.
- Are you ok ?
- You like "those big things with boobies" ?
- No, but she's nice.
We were talking about... We share many things, actually.
- Apparently, she looks interested.
- If i absent myself for 1 h, will she be still here ?
- Why absent yourself 1 h ? Stay here.
- Emma has her rendez-vous with the DDASS. PS: the DDASS is the rench institution for adopting children.
- What do i do with this ? Garbage ?
I'll fold it in a paper boiler ?
No...You lied to me.
You told me stories with your pseudo-husband.
Listen, here... I have...
- Sorry.
Impossible to park the car !
How are you my love ?
- Euh... you are ?
- Sorry, Luis Costa.
The husband.
I mean, the futur husband...
...of Emmanuelle.
- I'm sorry... I think I just broke my waters.
- Really ?
That is to say ?
I'll drive you.
Which clinic ? - lsis.
- Are you parked far ?
- No. - Can you take my things ?
- Yes. - Thanks.
Pardon, je me lasse pas de le regarder.
- So ?
- Approuved.
- Thanks.
- Thanks to Francine Lebrun, most of all.
Look inside.
- What is it ?
- It's a piano !
- I made it...
...especially for you.
When are you...
...going to Brazil ? - I don't know...
As soon as possible, tomorrow, or the day after.
Stop the car here.
Thanks.
- What is he doing ? - He convoks us and he's not here !
- So, Pipou ?
- No !
Not Pipou ! Enough Pipou !
It's over Pipou !
Luis ! No more Pipou !
Listen to me carefuly, all of you !
I rented Emma.
I rented her.
To be the one you expected,
...so that she wouldn't come to the wedding,
...i would have been weighed down...
...and you would have stopped to whipsaw me !
I know, it's pathetic.
It worked,
...you loved her.
And i rented her another time so that you would hate her.
And then, it worked.
Ok ?
But i don't care anymore if...
...you like her or not.
And these closed curtains, i can't bear it anymore !
- Ah !
- No. what's going on ?
- No, not any malaise. Sit down.
You're making my head spin !
I'm finishing.
Then, you can die.
I like Emma, I do. Like she is.
So, the issue of the day, is "i love her".
I'm going to do what i can to take her back.
If it works, i'm going to spend my life with her.
Adopted.
Mom, I don't have to chose. It's her and you.
I decide my life. Like this, i will be happy.
And it doesn't prevent me from loving you too !
- I was bringing back...
...Maxine's book.
- Well.
- Voila... I present you to Emma.
The real Emma.
Emma, I present you to...
...my mom and my 5 sisters.
Euh... I want to live with you.
And Sandro.
And i love you.
I thought it would be harder to say but...
It was simple.
- You promised you'll make efforts and you persist ?
- Yes. - Sandro !
No teeth brushed,
...no games. So do it !
Does the M6 agree ?
- Consensus.
- You are going to traumatize him, leave him alone.
- I won't go with you ! - Voilà, traumatized !
- Come with mamita, i baked you a cake.
- I don't want it !
- He loves my cakes !
- Come, Sandro !
He's traumatized ! He doesn't want my cakes anymore.
- He's cute, nevertheless.
- Well, boys, more firmness ! Ok.
Translated by Guillaume Cot. I hope it wasn't that bad